Writing, Editing, and Critiques

Two stories, both related, about me having a story critiqued, and critiquing another.  Similar outcomes.

First, a friend sent me a short story she had sold, and was settling in to revise.  I read it over and had a generally good reaction, and sent her some of my comments.  Soon after, I got an email that primarily read "THESE COMMENTS ARE AWESOME".  (That's a nice feeling, by the way, when your efforts are so appreciated.)

So as a follow-up, I took the short story I thought was in the best, most sellable state, cleaned it up a bit more, and sent it to her for comments.  She... well, she didn't tear it apart, but she pulled it into many pieces, and explained how those pieces kept the story from being as effective as it could be.  In particular, I had extra exposition at the beginning that was probably unnecessary, I could introduce more conflict and handle the exposition by having an oppositional character (rather than just the circumstances), and the ending could be more life-altering, maybe.  I'm really not sure about the last one yet, but the others are advice gold.

Of course, that means the story I thought was in good enough shape to submit for potential sales, I have serious doubts about.  On one hand, I need to wrap it up as best I can sometime, and send it along.  On the other hand, I don't want to send less than my best work, or at least work that I feel fully realizes the story... and I now know how much better the story could be.  I don't think I can send it like that.  I will be missing my goal to submit a story, unless I somehow both revise that story and get another round of critique in somehow, but after some other discussions about how magazines can now easily track a submitters previous submissions and how they improve (or not), I'm pretty sure I don't want to put anything too terrible out there.

Not that this is, but still.  Goal officially abandoned, for another month.

On the other hand, I also recently did a critique where I didn't see much of a story in the short story.  Others disagreed, which is their right.  It's good to remember that some critiques aren't just what the story needs either.  Writing them out may help me figure out my own stuff, but that doesn't mean they will always be helpful to the recipient.  It's when it is helpful to neither that I should really be careful about even posting the critique.

Hugo 2103 Reviews: Short Stories

Only three short stories were nominated this year, due to the minimum vote threshold.

• “Immersion”, Aliette de Bodard (Clarkesworld, June 2012)
• “Mantis Wives”, Kij Johnson (Clarkesworld, August 2012)
• “Mono no Aware”, Ken Liu (The Future is Japanese, VIZ Media LLC)

Immersion

I thought it was an interesting concept and story, though I found it hard to get into initially.  Many reviews mentions parallels with Google Glass and smart phones and what-not now, and it's easy to see why.  One of the reasons I found it hard to get into is also one of the neatest tricks about the story, writing-wise: the use of second-person present tense.  It is jarring, and used for good effect to present everything from the POV of someone so fully immersed with their computerized helper that they can't do anything for themselves anymore.  Possibly a warning, and possibly a promise of what may come.

Mantis Wives

This made me nauseous.  I can say it was well written, because it drew me in enough to have that effect, but in the end I was left wishing I hadn't read it.  As art, it is worthy of the nomination, but as for my taste, I didn't care for it at all.

Mono no Aware

A nice story that sets up a bit of a mystery, with it's twin timelines, and telegraphs the answer to the mystery before setting up the final problem in the future timeline, and resolving it.  I have seen criticism that the ending is too predictable, and it is somewhat, but it is still quite well written and the how of getting to the ending is still very pleasant.  I especially liked the way the MC's fading awareness and bits of delusion were woven in near the end, as he struggled to stay awake for the 36 hours (I think?) it was going to take him to travel.

My Opinion

As if this whole thing isn't my opinions, but ranking these stories against each other is kind of difficult for me.  I will say again that the art and technique of "Mantis Wives" was top-notch, but due to my own personal reaction to it, I'll be ranking it third when it comes to the voting.  "Mono no Aware" and "Immersion" are also both solid entries, and in my mind nearly equivalent in their impact on me.  The second-person present-tense sections of "Immersion" almost tip the scales it's way, but in the end I go with "Mono no Aware" as being a more accessible, and therefore slightly more enjoyable to me, story, and plan on ranking it first in the vote.